Mad at You O God! [Part 2/2]

My Dear Child,

"My Thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways … As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts." [Isaiah 55:8-9]

Be grateful to what you have received. I may have taken away from you what you love and desire, but I will never take away from you myself. Would this mom abandons her child? Even if she does, I will never abandon you. Created things may come and go, like desert mirages to thirsty souls, but I am with you always. Learn to trust in me. Learn to trust in my ways. Abandon everything created and hold on to me. Learn from my son Augustine's after a life of wants: "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."

Nothing and no one else can truly satisfy the human heart, because it is formed in me and belongs to me. Be grateful to your daily bread and give thanks to the little that you have received. You have committed yourself to my will and you are wise to do so, now humble yourself and ask for the grace to love my will. You want the moon and cry for loosing it, but it must be taken away from you.  What I have in mind for you is greater than the moon and greater than the stars. Humble yourself and accept what life brings you whether you judge it to be good or bad. On your own you cannot do what I am asking you, humble yourself and pray for the grace to truly love and accept my will. Pray for the grace to be comforted in your present situation.

You say that you are mad at me …  you are mad at yourself for grasping on what is not me. You are mad at yourself for finding yourself thirsty for unquenching human praises. You are mad at yourself for holding on what and who you know can only truly live in me. My dear beloved lean on me, trust in me, and you will share my joy and it will never be taken away from you.

Teresa, my daughter and my good friend also said: "Whoever has God lacks nothing; God alone suffices."

Mad at You O God! [Part 1/2]

My Dear God,

Now why would you do this? At least why would you let it happen? I want you to know that I am very mad at you. More so, I feel betrayed by you. You are closer to me than I am to myself and because of that I am even more hurt. Yes, I still believe that your will is better for me, nevertheless I cannot help being angry with you. When I ask you why did you do it, or why did you let it happen, I do not really care to know why, I am simply stating that you should not have done it, or at least you should not have let it happen. 

I was enjoying your good creation. I know that is pleasing to you as well, because you are the source of every good thing and what father would not enjoy the happiness of his son? However, just before I reached the summit of my happiness, you snatched everything away from me and left me in shock. My lips quickly went on uttering "Let your will be done … Let your will be done ..." for that is how I have prepared myself to live, yet my heart is shattered and my soul depressed and folded on herself. I am in a lot of pain my Lord.

You acted like a mom who allowed her son to get so close to a piece of chocolate, then took it away from his lips at the moment that he opened his mouth to receive it. He then grabbed his mother's skirt and pulled himself tightly to her, burying his face and tears in his only comfort and in this case his offender. You may remind me that you have given free will to your creation, but I know that you interfere sometimes, plus in this case I even feel that you interfered against me. You let me down O Lord, but still I have no shelter but you, so here I am Lord true to myself and you, holding tightly to you, hiding my face and sorrow within you.

Your daughter Teresa of Avila's words come to my mind: "Dear Lord, if this is how you treat your friends, it is no wonder you have so few." 

The Soul and the Sleeping Snake

In the middle of the night the soul gets very upset and isolates herself from her loved ones. She withdraws from everything and seeks to be completely alone. She moves from room to room until she finds an empty room and decides to rest there. She may be mad at the injustice against her caused by those around her, she may be frustrated with herself and who she has become, or she may be angry with God for allowing whatever is hurting her to come true. The soul cannot go to sleep because anger and frustration consume her. Plus her thought  process is continuously reliving her tragic misery. 

An inner voice from God says to her: "Do you want to leave everything to me and let me solve it my way?" The soul answers: "Jesus I trust in you." She would have been wiser to stop there but in her frustration she adds: "God give me a break, let me be in my misery, let me at least for now hate others and myself, and let me embrace failure and dead ends". God left to work after he heard only the first part. The soul sits there in her rage and circulates over and over again every word and every action that brought her to this miserable state. She tries so hard to sleep but exhausted as she is, sleep is stolen from her. 

Suddenly she wakes up and remembers a dream and realizes that she has fallen asleep but does not know how. In the dream God shows her a large snake residing next to her in that same room. The snake is sleeping and very content with the situation. It has found a dwelling in that same room where the soul took refuge. The soul can vividly feel the danger of the snake. God also showed the soul in that same dream, another small room from her past, where she had also isolated herself from everyone at a very young age, and where she has fallen for the first time to the lure of that same snake. God then brought to her consciousness the strong ties between her tragedy now and the start of her tragedy many years ago. 

Somehow, knowing herself better, the soul is brought to peace. She trusted God and in turn He brought her to an understanding of self. She knelt down in front of the crucifix and repeated the words "Jesus I trust in you!" Then she left the room and joined her loved ones where God and his angels also dwell.

My beloved soul, even at your darkest moment when your heart is dead to love, and you have no hope in you, and darkness overshadows you,  turn to God when He calls you. Turn to Him with your will which no one can take from you, turn to God in your darkest hour and live.