There are times when I regret my doings, or my thoughts, or my way of thinking, or my ways of feeling toward myself or toward others or even toward certain things. The sense of knowing that one is in the wrong is very strong in us. Other times I get very upset with the wrong that others do and I struggle between getting justice or extending mercy. I dream of advising God to wipe away everything and start new. I mean wipe away my humanity and my existence and start new. I dream of telling God to recreate this world better than he has done it the first time. A world without sin, a world without me.
I know God can do a better job because what I see in me and in some others is not as good as it can be and in some cases especially in myself is not good at all. I think of the scripture verse "Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more" [Luke 12:48] and I curse myself even more. The little wrong that I do is equivalent to some of the larger wrong that someone else does who does not claim to know God and seek his ways. I fail over and over again, so I dream to have God wipe everything clean so that I am no longer is anyone's memory, no longer in existence past, present, or future. I would even dare go further to wipe away this entire existence of human being good and bad, because of the harm we continue to cause each other generation after generation.
I knew that God would not listen. I am but a baby of his back that makes sounds of joy to him, as he carries me and moves on. He says "you are mine" and "they are mine." He says "I love what is mine and will never let go of you or others whom I crafted for myself," he adds "you are not yours to give or to take, you are mine." God could care less how much we judge ourselves, he sees us as his children whom he loves despite any imperfection we bring on ourselves or on others. God is determined to work through us and within us, in time, in advice, in scripture, in others, in opportunities, in hidden messages, in angels and saints, in whatever, to make sure we belong to him. He is a lover of mankind and will never let go of his creation. God hates our wrong actions and distorted thoughts and hurtful feelings but God loves who we are from eternity to eternity and his mercy and love never leave us. From Genesis he declares his creation as "Good" [Gen 1:4,10,12,18, 21, 25,] and his human being as "very good" [Gen 1:31].
Book of Wisdom 11:22-12:2
"Before the LORD the whole universe is as a grain from a balance or a drop of morning dew come down upon the earth. But you have mercy on all, because you can do all things;and you overlook people's sins that they may repent.For you love all things that are and loathe nothing that you have made;for what you hated, you would not have fashioned.And how could a thing remain, unless you willed it;or be preserved, had it not been called forth by you?But you spare all things, because they are yours,O LORD and lover of souls,for your imperishable spirit is in all things!Therefore you rebuke offenders little by little,warn them and remind them of the sins they are committing, that they may abandon their wickedness and believe in you, O LORD!"
